I Am

I am fragile

Mostly just a thread or two from unraveling

If you’re a seamstress you know that there are usually two threads

When you pull on them one of two things can happen

On one hand your fabric may tighten and become more secure

Or your pull may result in a break in the thread

And everything just falls apart

I am the thread that breaks

At least if something inadvertently pulls on it

I break

Easily

I appear strong

Gifted even

At least I hear it said sometimes

I want to believe it

But I know how near to the surface lie the cracks

How deep the wounds

And I’m not sure if it’s healing I experience

Or is there still a buried land mine

About to explode

This tendency I feel in my body to expect disaster

To plan for failure

To protect from threat

It still lives with me

I can stay

I want to stay

I hope you don’t know

How delightful that feels

Wanting without fighting for it

Breathing without owing

When struggle doesn’t cost you

Your very longing for existence

When delight and joy buried so deep under the rubble

Can finally rise

I am safe

The hands of the Father

From which no one can pluck me

Have become my safe place

I am stopping looking for the ways

Those near to me can prove they love me

I run to my Father

I see him put me in his palms

Cover me

And hide me there

It is He

Who gets to tell me who I am